Funny Quotes and Sayings

+43

God, if you can’t make me skinny, please make my friends fat!
Author: Tremper High.

+35

Girls are like phones. They love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected!

+17

Are you always this stupid, or are you making a special effort today?
Author: Unknown.

+15

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife; Marrying you screwed up my life.
Author: Unknown.

+12

Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?
Author: Unknown.

+12

Someday your prince charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
Author: Unknown.

+11

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
Author: P. J. O’Rourke.

+11

Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey!
Author: Unknown.

+11

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? “Hold my purse.”

+9

God made rivers, God made lakes, God made you.. Well we all make mistakes.
Author: Unknown.

+9

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don’t generate a lot of interest.

+9

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
Author: Harry S Truman.

+8

A line is a dot that went for a walk.
Author: Paul Klee.

+8

The bravest thing that men do is love women.
Author: Mort Sahl.

+8

How can I miss if you won’t go away?

+7

Guys: No Shirt, No Service – Gals: No Shirt, No Charge.

+5

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Author: George Carlin.

+4

If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.
Author: Laurence J. Peter.

+4

Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.

+4

Teachers are those who help us in resolving problems which, without them, we wouldn’t have.
Author: Unknown.